


Scars

by consultingfangirl (lifeaftercheckmate), lifeaftercheckmate



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I don't know what else yet, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Spencer gets a new bookcase, Stargazing, Tags Are Hard, Trauma, cannon divergance (no prison storyline), corny fluff, doughnuts and coffee, i haven't gotten far enough to know what else to do with my tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-20 00:04:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17611628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeaftercheckmate/pseuds/consultingfangirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeaftercheckmate/pseuds/lifeaftercheckmate
Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid was a legend in the FBI. Luke had heard his name many times before and looked forward to working with him as well as the other elite profilers on the BAU team. They talked about his mind, his 187 IQ, his eidetic memory, the fact that he was the youngest profiler to ever graduate from the academy. They talked about his quirks and oddities and the word “autistic” was thrown around more than once. What they didn't talk about was his beauty. That bit caught Luke completely by surprise.





	1. Coffee & Doughnuts

**Author's Note:**

> There will be discussion of specific trauma in upcoming chapters, but I will include trigger warnings for each chapter it occurs in.

Dr. Spencer Reid was a legend in the FBI. Luke had heard his name many times before and looked forward to working with him as well as the other elite profilers on the BAU team. They talked about his mind, his 187 IQ, his eidetic memory, the fact that he was the youngest profiler to ever graduate from the academy. They talked about his quirks and oddities and the word “autistic” was thrown around more than once. What they didn't talk about was his beauty. That bit caught Luke completely by surprise.

Luke approached one of the BAU member who had his back turned.

“Hey,” he said. The agent turned around and looked up from the file in his hand. “Luke Alvez.”

“Oh, hi. I'm Dr. Spencer Reid,” Spencer said.

“Ah, no handshaking, right?” Luke said with a smile. “Your reputation proceeds you.” Oh God, those hazel eyes.

“So does yours,” Spencer said and looked back down at the file. “It says here that you caught our next fugitive, Daniel Cullen, three years ago.” Those brown curls that made Luke want to run his fingers through them. Spencer was still talking. Focus. Answer him.

“Uh, yeah, Cullen was always a suspect. We just couldn't get an ID...” Those long elegant hands. His slender frame. Luke was blown away by such a strong reaction at first glance. God, he was beautiful. Why didn't anyone ever mention that?

Rossi and JJ walked into the room and they began to discuss the details of the case. Luke kept stealing side glances at Spencer. He was a little frustrated, truth be told. The Daniel Cullen case was personal for him. He really wanted to put him away so that he could never hurt anyone, much less someone Luke cared about, again. He just couldn't seem to keep his mind focused. Word had it that Will had made brownies for JJ to bring into work and after their debrief, Luke went looking for them. He walked into the break room just as Spencer was dumping an obscene amount of sugar in his coffee.

“Are you trying to put yourself in a diabetic coma?” Luke joked. 

“I could really go for a cinnamon dolche latte right now, but this will have to do,” Spencer said.

“There's a coffee shop by my house that I stop at every morning that would make this stuff taste like mud.”

Spencer snorted. “It tastes like mud anyway.”

“Fair point,” Luke said. He spotted the brownies on the counter and helped himself to a rather large one as Spencer made his way back to his desk. Luke took a bite of the delicious chocolate treat and mused over Spencer's terrible coffee. He decided that when he stopped at the coffee shop the next morning for his daily Americano, he would get a latte for Spencer, as well. It's wasn't an obvious gesture, just a friendly one...right?

The next day, when he arrived at work, a coffee in each hand, Spencer was already at his desk pouring over one of the many files in the pile next to him.

“Reid,” Luke said. Spencer looked up and Luke held the coffee out to him. “Cinnamon dolche.” Spencer looked at Luke for a moment like he couldn't process what to do next. There were dark circles under his eyes and there was an apparent heaviness in the way he held himself, like he was trying not to crumble.

“Thank you,” Spencer mumbled and took the coffee from Luke's hand.

“Are you ok?” Luke asked. “You look exhausted.”

“I'm fine,” Spencer said.

“You sure?”

“I didn't sleep well last night,” Spencer said. “That's all.”

“Ok, well let me know if you need anything.”

“The coffee is nice. Thank you.”

“Any time,” Luke said. Spencer turned back to his paperwork, effectively ending the conversation. Luke went back to his desk puzzled. He wished he knew what was bothering the young genius. All day Spencer was quiet. There were no excited rambling and explanations of things no one else understood. Luke didn't see him smile once all morning. He noticed the team was treating him with special gentleness, especially JJ. Maybe they knew something he didn't. Luke thought about what he could do to cheer Spencer up, and, given Spencer's penchant for sweets, decided to get donuts while he was on his lunch break. He got an assorted dozen with two special ones for Spencer. The team was quite happy with the surprise. They gathered around him to claim their sweet treats. Garcia squealed and reached for a doughnut.

“Sprinkles!” she said.

“Nuh uh,” Luke said. “That one's Reid's.”

“Reid gets a special doughnut but I don't? This is why I don't like you, newbie.” Reid reached for the cake doughnut with chocolate icing and sprinkles. 

“You remembered my favorite doughnut?” Reid asked.

“Of course,” Luke said. “Take them both.” Reid smiled gratefully and that little smile made Luke's whole day. Once everyone had claimed their doughnuts, Luke took the last few back to the break room and set them next to the coffee pot. 

“That was sweet of you,” JJ said. Luke started and turned around. “Sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you.”

“You're fine,” Luke said. “Is he ok?” JJ was quiet for a moment and Luke could see the struggle on her face. 

“Spence is coming out of a pretty awful situation. Some days are better than others. Just be gentle with him. We all care about him very much.” So do I, Luke thought.

“I'll keep that in mind,” Luke said.

“Thank you,” JJ said and walked back to her office.

Luke decided to continue buying Spencer coffee in the mornings. The next day when he walked into work, he could tell just by Spencer's posture that he was feeling better. When he handed Spencer his coffee, Spencer smiled up at him and took the warm cup.

“What's this for?” he asked.

“I'm just trying to save you from the sludge in the break room,” Luke said with a grin. Spencer took a sip and let his eyes slip shut as he savored it.

“It's amazing, thank you.”

“You're welcome,” Luke said. Spencer looked down at his cup and fidgeted with the cardboard sleeve.

“I'm sorry I was so rude to you yesterday,” he said.

“Hey, don't even worry about it,” Luke said. “Everyone is entitled to have bad days.” Luke saw the sadness come over Spencer again. “Are you ok?” Luke asked. “Something going on you want to talk about?” 

“No, I'm fine. Thank you.”

“Well if you decide you aren't, I'm here.”

“I appreciate it, Luke. Really.”

Luke continued to bring Spencer coffee every morning and went out of his way to be helpful to Spencer. Spencer remained sort of puzzled by the gesture, but was appreciative none the less. The special attention didn't escape the notice of the team. JJ and Prentiss in particular were watching Luke like a hawk. Spencer was a first rate profiler, but he couldn't discern other people's romantic attentions to him to save his life. JJ and Prentiss noticed the way Luke watched him from across the bullpen, the way Luke smiled at him, the way he hung onto Spencer's every word when he rambled like arson statistics and LA traffic patterns were the most interesting things he had ever heard. JJ told Prentiss about her words of caution to Luke in the break room and for the time being they agreed to just watch. It wasn't their place to make decisions in Spencer's life, but they and the rest off the team had rushed in to save him despite every excuse and protest and they wouldn't hesitate to come to his aid to protect him again.

Meanwhile Luke's affection for Spencer continued to grow into a sort of serene obsession, if that was a thing. When he walked Roxy, Luke imagined Spencer with them, walking down the sidewalk or through the park with them holding hands. When he cooked at home, he wished that Spencer could be there and that he could cook for him as well. When he went to bed at night, he wondered what Spencer would feel like in his arms. He tripped over himself to show Spencer every kindness. He was aware that Spencer was hurting from something major that had happened in his life, however, and Luke thought it would be wholly inappropriate to blatantly make a move on him while he was obviously so fragile. It was like torture on Spencer's bad days. Luke's chest ached. He just wanted to pull Spencer into his arms and hold him until whatever pain he was suffering through evaporated.

Spencer did start to open up to Luke as the weeks went along. He had an immense amount of respect for Luke's work before they even met and, while he wasn't a profiler, Luke definitely had indispensable skills that aided the team in the capturing of the Crimson King and the subsequent investigations. Spencer like Luke as a person, as well. He was kind, funny and very good at his job. Spencer was glad when Luke accepted the invitation to join the BAU and they all settled in with their newest teammate and family member. Well, everyone except Garcia who had made it a solemn vow from day one to treat the “newbie” with nothing less than disdain. Whether she was joking or not, no one knew.

Spencer was getting stronger and recovering from his trauma much to the relief and happiness of the team, which really was a family. Hotch had mandated that Spencer receive trauma counseling from the bureau and it was really helping. He started to smile more, sleep better, and return to the enthusiastic and happy person they all knew him to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer had finally started catching on to the fact that Luke's interest in him was more than platonic. He couldn't deny that Luke was incredibly attractive. Spencer found himself drifting off at inappropriate times imagining them together, but every time he did, he felt a pang in his chest that brought him back to reality. James' words would swirl in his head and he'd get sick to his stomach. His heart was in a tug of war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: specific descriptions of mental, physical, and sexual violence

Spencer had finally started catching on to the fact that Luke's interest in him was more than platonic. He couldn't deny that Luke was incredibly attractive. Spencer found himself drifting off at inappropriate times imagining them together, but every time he did, he felt a pang in his chest that brought him back to reality. James' words would swirl in his head and he'd get sick to his stomach. His heart was in a tug of war. 

Spencer was having one such daydream at his desk one morning when Luke walked in with his coffee. He had a file open on his desk and his pen was poised over the paper, but he was staring off into space. He didn't see Luke walk up.

“Earth to Reid,” Luke said. Spencer jumped and then blushed hard as the subject of his daydream held out his coffee. “Where did you go?” Spencer cleared his throat and muttered something incoherent as he took the coffee from Luke. “I got you something new. I hope you don't mind.”

“What is it?” Spencer asked.

“Try it,” Luke said. Spencer took a cautious sip. His eyes lit up.

“That's amazing!” 

Luke smiled. “It's crème brule. It just came out for their fall line. I thought you would like it. I also got coffee cake which is new, too.”

“I'm getting spoiled,” Spencer said as he took the bag that Luke held out to him.

“I ate mine in the truck. It was pretty good.”

“You have a truck?” Spencer asked.

“Yeah, why? You need help moving some furniture or something?” Luke joked.

“Well actually...” Spencer looked up at Luke sheepishly. The shy smile on Spencer's face was so cute that Luke couldn't help but laugh.

“What do you need?” Luke asked.

“There's an antique store in Stafford that has this beautiful antique bookcase that I've been wanting for quite a while but I have no way of getting it to my apartment. It's Victorian era craftsmanship, solid cedar. It's completely handmade and has glass doors so I can store some of the older and more fragile books that I collect.”

“I'd be happy to help,” Luke said.

“Really?” Spencer jumped out of his chair and splashed coffee on his desk from the cup he was still holding. Luke laughed again. He'd never seen Spencer so excited and he knew he'd do anything to keep that smile on Spencer's face, even dragging a solid wood bookshelf up who knows how many flights of steps.

“Yes, really,” Luke said with a grin. “When do you want to do it?”

“They close at five, so we'd have to do it on the weekend,” Spencer said.

“I'm free this Saturday. I can come pick you up and we can go to the shop.” Spencer could barely contain his excitement. He had wanted this bookcase for months but he didn't know anyone with a truck. Now it would finally be his.

Saturday couldn't come quickly enough and when it finally did come, Spencer woke up with a blinding headache. He took too much ibuprofen and suffered through it long enough to get his books ready for the new bookcase and eat something. Then he went back to sleep just to make the pain go away. He was woken up by a knock on the door. Spencer sat up on the couch and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He was pretty groggy. He didn't wake up easily and had forgotten to set an alarm. He opened the door and Luke grinned. Spencer was looking quite sleepy and his curls were sticking out in odd directions.

“Did I wake you?” Luke asked.

“Mmmm. Forgot to set an alarm,” Spencer mumbled. Luke reached out and tucked a stray curl behind Spencer's ear and then jerked his hand back. Spencer blushed and smiled at the floor.

“I'm sorry,” Luke said. “I didn't think.”

“It's ok,” Spencer said. His face was bright red.

“I know you don't like to be touched.”

“I didn't mind if you touch me,” Spencer said. He looked up at Luke and his bashful smile melted Luke's heart. It was a struggle not to pull Spencer into his arms and kiss him right then and there. They both seemed to realize that it was quiet and awkward at the same.

“Do you want to come in?” Spencer asked.

“Are you ready to go?” Luke asked at the same time. Luke chuckled and Spencer rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I just have to get my sweater. Come in.” Luke followed Spencer into his apartment and closed the door behind him. He looked around and found that Spencer's apartment suited him perfectly. It was small and cluttered, but beautiful. Spencer had an antique roll top desk in the corner of the living room that was covered in papers and textbooks. He had an old couch that looked like it might have been beautiful and expensive at some point. There was a handmade quilt folded over the back and another stack of textbooks and notebooks on the beautiful cherry coffee table. There was no tv, but there were five floor to ceiling bookshelves in the living room alone. The walls were covered in beautiful paintings of all sorts of styles. Luke walked over to the closest bookshelf and examined the titles. They were in multiple languages from English to Russian to Spanish. He pulled out a Spanish poetry book and opened it to a random page. “Te amo sin saber como, ni cuando, ni de sonde. Te amo directimente sin problemos orgullo. – I love you without knowing how, nor when, nor from where. I love you directly without problems of pride.” Luke never had any interest in love poems, but when Spencer walked into the room in his sloppy sweater, trying to comb his unruly hair with his fingers, Luke understood.

“Sorry,” Luke said. “I couldn't resist.”

“It's fine,” Spencer said, giving up on his hair with a huff. “What do you have?”

“Mano sabre mi pecho es mia, tan cerca que se cerca que se cierran to ojos con mi sueno,” Luke read. [“Your hand over my chest as mine, so close that you close your eyes with my dream.”]

“Pablo Neruda. Are you familiar with him?”

“I've never read any of his poetry until just now.”

“Keep it,” Spencer said. “Neruda is one of my favorites.”

“Are you sure?” Luke asked.

“Absolutely. I'd love to know what you think of it.” 

“Thank you. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” Spencer said, clapping his hands together. There was a sparkle in his eyes that Luke found intoxicating.

Luke chuckled. “Alright. Let's go.” Luke led Spencer down to his truck and opened the passenger door for him before climbing into the driver's seat. “I brought blankets to wrap it up in so it doesn't get scratched and ratchet straps to anchor it. Is it big?”

“It's pretty big,” Spencer said.

“And heavy?”

“Solid wood.” Luke sighed but he was smiling.

“Alright, let's do this,” Luke said and pulled out of the parking lot onto the street.

“Thank you so much,” Spencer said. “I can't tell you how much this means to me.”

Luke glanced at Spencer. “You don't have to,” he said. “It's all over your face.” Spencer started bouncing his leg and as happy as Luke was for Spencer's enthusiasm, the noise was driving him nuts. After three solid minutes of leg bouncing, Luke couldn't take it anymore. He reached over and put his hand on Spencer's leg.

“Spencer,” Luke said. “I'm very happy that you're so happy, but that noise is making me crazy.”

“Sorry,” Spencer said and stopped bouncing. Luke reluctantly pulled his hand away. Spencer pulled a little metal thing out of his pocket and started to flip it between his fingers.

“What's that?” Luke asked.

“It's called a fidget toy,” Spencer said.

“Appropriate, I guess,” Luke said.

They arrived at the shop and Spencer led Luke to the bookcase. It really was beautiful, Luke thought, as far as bookcases ago, anyway. When he saw the price tag, his eyes popped open.

“Who pays $3,000 for a bookshelf?” Luke asked. Spencer glared at him reproachfully.

“I do,” he said. Luke raised his hands in surrender.

“My bad,” Luke said with a smirk. They found a clerk and Spencer paid for the bookcase and Luke and a couple of the workers loaded it into to back of the truck.   
“I can’t believe it’s finally mine,” Spencer said.

“Well don’t celebrate just yet,” Luke said. “We still have to get it up three flights of steps. I’ll take the weight from the bottom and you can guide it from the top.” A second after he said it, he realized how dirty that last sentence sounded and chuckled.

“What?” Spencer asked, eyeing Luke curiously.

“Nothing,” Luke said, unable to keep the grin off his face. But now the imagine was in his head. Focus on your driving, he chided himself.

They pulled into the parking lot of Spencer’s apartment building and parked near the front door. Luke got out and hopped into the bed of his truck.

“Ok, I’m going to push it out. I need you to guide it down so it doesn’t tip.” Together they got the bookcase safely to the ground. “I didn’t think of how to prop the doors open.”

“I’ve got that covered,” Spencer said. He took a couple of the bricks that lined the garden area and used them to hold the doors open. “I’ll put them back when we’re done and no one will even notice.”

“Alright,” Luke said. “Are you ready?” 

“Ready,” Spencer said. The two of them carried the bookcase into the apartment building and set it it down to assess the situation. The bookcase was going to be a bit too tall at the top of the steps so they were going to have to turn it at a diagonal. Luke sighed. The bookcase was heavy as fuck. Why was he doing this again? He looked up at Spencer’s happy face and sparkling eyes. Oh yeah. That’s why. 

Spencer was quite strong, especially given how slender he was, but he was still not as strong as Luke so they had to take breaks on the landings. By the time they got to the top, Spencer’s face was dripping with sweat. His sweater had been abandoned on a lower level. When they got to Spencer’s apartment and set the bookshelf down, Spencer leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor.

“I just need a second to catch my breath,” Spencer huffed. 

Luke sat down next to him. “Take your time,” he said. They were so close that their legs were touching and that was not helping Spencer catch his breath or calm his heart rate. Spencer looked over at Luke who had leaned his head back on the wall and closed his eyes. He was so handsome and strong. Spencer imagined those strong arms wrapped around him and for the first time he didn’t hear James’ voice in his head. 

Spencer swatted Luke's leg. “Let's get this finished before you fall asleep,” he said.

“I'm not sleeping, I'm resting,” Luke said. Spencer stood up and held out his hand. Luke opened his eyes, took Spencer's hand, and stood up. He kept a hold of Spencer's hand for a beat after getting up and ran his thumb over Spencer's knuckles. Spencer blushed and looked away and Luke dropped his hand.

“So, uh, bookshelf?” Spencer stammered.

Luke chuckled. “Let's finish this.” Spencer took his keys out of his pocket and fumbled with opening the door. He dropped his keys, grumbled, and picked them up again.

“I could focus better if you weren't staring at me,” Spencer said.

“Who's staring?” Luke asked innocently.

“I can feel your eyes on me,” Spencer said. He undid the lock and pushed the door open. 

“Where is this going?” Luke asked.

“In the back room. I have a space cleared for it.”

“Ok, ready? 1, 2, 3.” They lifted the bookcase and carried it back into Spencer's study and pushed it into the corner. Spencer sank down into the full backed leather office chair and then groaned. “What?” Luke asked.

“I have to go get my sweater. I left it on the railing on the second floor,” Spencer said.

“I have back down to go move my truck. I'll get it. I'll unprop the doors, too.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that,” Spencer said.

“You sit for a minute. I'll be back.” Spencer nodded and leaned back in his chair.

“Thank you,” he said. 

When Luke got back to Spencer's apartment, Spencer was loading books into his new bookcase. When he turned to look at Luke when he came into the room, Spencer was positively glowing.

“You can go sit down if you want,” Spencer said.

“I will, but first I want to see what books are so precious that they get the coveted new space on your bookshelf.” 

Spencer quirked a brow. “Really?”

“Really.”

Spencer grinned. “Well I thought that since it has the glass doors that this would be a good place for some of my antique books.” Spencer held up the book in his hand. “This one was published in 1856. It's 'Commentaries on the Life and Reign of King Charles the First, King of England” by Issac Disraeli.” Spencer handed the book to Luke. “Smell it,” he said.

Luke took the book. “Smell it?”

“Yes, smell it.” Luke opened the book and took a deep breath. It was kind of dusty and sweet. Luke had to admit, it smelled pretty good. “Do you like it?” Spencer asked.

“I do,” Luke said. He handed the book back to Spencer.

“Put it there on the last spot on the top shelf.” Luke slipped the book in place. “So those are all histories and then I have some literature for the next shelf. This is a copy of Julius Caesar from 1901. I usually don't collect anything published after the 1800's, but the book was so beautiful that I couldn't resist.” Spencer handed Luke some more books to put on the shelves. “The next two shelves are all schoolbooks. This is my favorite book that I own.” Spencer gingerly held a book out to Luke. It was old and tattered. The color was worn down to a dirty red. The spine was broken and there were lose pages tucked inside. The cover read, “New Mental Arithmetic.” A look inside revealed that it was released in 1873.

“Is it worth anything?” Luke asked.

“I have no idea,” Spencer said. “But it's beautiful, isn't it?” Luke tried to look at the book through Spencer's eyes and he had to admit that, yes, there was something beautiful about it. He wondered about the children who had held this book in their hands through the course of their schooling and wondered where they were now. He could almost feel an energy surrounding the book, though he'd never admit to something like that. There was a...romance, almost, in holding something so old and worn.

“It is beautiful,” Luke said and slid it onto the shelf. Spencer told stories about the rest of the school books, spouting insights and facts about their history and contents. Then he moved onto the two sets of pre-1900's encyclopedias that were to occupy the bottom two shelves. Luke soaked it all in. The team and the other people they worked with had a habit of shutting Spencer down or poking fun at him when he rambled, but Luke just wanted to stay there with him and listen to him talk. He wanted this look into Spencer's beautiful mind. His enthusiasm was contagious and his voice and cadence were so calming. This is what Luke wanted for the rest of his life. God, he was so in love.  
Finally, the last book was placed and Spencer ran out of stories. Spencer closed and locked the glass doors and they stood admiring the bookcase and its contents.

“I'm sorry,” Spencer said. “I know I talk too much.”

“I could listen to you talk forever,” Luke said, turning to face Spencer. Spencer blushed and stared intently at his Chuck Taylors. Luke took a step toward him and brushed the hair out of his face. He swept his finger tips across Spencer's cheekbone and cupped his face. Reid leaned into the touch and sighed. “You are wonderful, amazing, beautiful person. Don't ever apologize for who you are.” The sadness that Luke had seen so many times over the last few months fell over Spencer's face. He took Luke's hand and brought it down from his face.

“Luke,” Spencer said. “I like you, I really do. But I don't think I have it in me to trust another man right now.”

“Spencer,” Luke said softly. “What happened?” Spencer dropped Luke's hand and covered his face with his hands. He was trembling. Luke put his arm around Spencer's shoulders and directed him out of the room. 

“Let's go sit down,” Luke said. Spencer pulled his hands away from his face and let Luke guide him to the couch. Spencer sat down and pulled his legs up to his chest and encircled them with his arms. He refused to look at Luke's face. Instead he stared out vacantly across the room. Spencer was no longer in his living room. He was drawn back into his past.

“I never thought it could happen to me,” Spencer said. “I chase monsters for a living. I know all the signs. I know all the statistics.” Spencer started to cry. 

Luke reached out and rubbed his back. “It's ok,” he whispered. “I'm here.” Spencer laid his head down on his knees and took some deep breaths. When he spoke again, his voice was as distant as his mind.

“His name was James. We met at a bookstore and he asked me out. He was gorgeous and sweet and thoughtful and swept me right off my feet the way I always imagined it would be. Once he had me completely on the hook, he changed. It was subtle at first, a backhanded comment here, or a snide remark there.” Spencer shook his head. “Looking back I can see it all so clearly, but then I didn't realize or understand what was happening before it was too late. When he got angry, I thought it was my fault, that I had done something wrong to provoke it. Every time it happened, I tried to understand what I did wrong and change it, but no matter how hard I tried, it just kept getting worse. He started calling me all sorts of terrible things. He called me a freak. He aid that no one could possibly love and accept me, that the team was only using me, that they didn't really care, they just needed me to solve their cases. And I believed him. He had a way of tapping into every pain and fear I had and bringing it to life. I believed him.” Spencer laid his head back down on his knees. He was trembling.

“Take your time,” Luke said. 

Spencer shook his head. “I have to keep going,” he said. He took a deep breath and continued. “We were together six months before he started hitting me. By that time, I had completely withdrawn into myself. It was like I wasn't even there anymore. I just took it. I was so numb. I could stand in a crowed room and feel completely alone. I still did my job, but he had managed to cut me off from everyone.   
The team started noticing the change and they each came up to me at some point and asked me what was going on, but I smiled and lied. I told them that I was fine or that I wasn't sleeping well, or that I didn't feel good, anything but the truth. No one believed me. I was just a shell. I didn't want to do anything...including having sex with him. He forced me, several times. But I just took it. I had completely resigned myself to believing that I deserved it and that this is what my life was, now. I was so humiliated and broken down that I couldn't tell anyone.” By this time, there were tears streaming down Spencer's face. Luke's heart was broken as he listened to Spencer recount these awful, awful memories. 

“He was usually pretty careful about no leaving any marks where anyone could see, but one night he just lost it and hit me in the face. He busted my cheek open and there was a huge bruise the next day. I called off work for a couple days, but they really needed me for a consult the next day so I had to go in. JJ and Prentiss cornered me in JJ's office and wouldn't let me leave until I told them the whole story. JJ called Derek and that night the whole team plus Derek went with me to his house to get my things and break off the relationship.

It was awful. He was furious, screaming. Hotch stood right in front of him the whole time so he couldn't follow me. Rossi, Tara, and Prentiss stayed with him and Derek and JJ went with me. At one point, James swung at Hotch. Hotch could have easily dodged the hit, but he took it and then arrested him for assault. He went to jail and they convinced me to press charges and get a restraining order. I had to testify, but I haven't seen him since then.” Spencer put his head back down and sobbed. Luke pulled Spencer to his chest and wrapped both arms tightly around him. Spencer put his head on Luke's shoulder and cried until he was exhausted. It was gut wrenching. Luke was torn between pain for what Spencer was going through and fury toward the man who did this to him. He didn't know how anyone on the team managed to confront this man without ripping him to shreds, but he was so very glad they they had been there for Spencer.

Finally Spencer ran out of tears, but still Luke held him.

“Can we just stay like this for a little bit?” Spencer asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“For as long as you want,” Luke said. He adjusted to a more comfortable position and pulled Spencer back down against him. He ran his fingers through Spencer's hair and held him tight. Spencer's breathing deepened and evened out and Luke realized he had fallen asleep. That was fine with Luke. If it brought Spencer some peace, he would hold him and let him sleep for the rest of the night.

About 20 minutes later, Spencer woke up. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I must have dozed off.”

“No need to be sorry,” Luke said. “I was just going to let you sleep.” Spencer pulled away from Luke and stared at the floor.

“That was a lot to put on you,” Spencer said apologetically.

“I'm glad you told me. Spencer, look at me.” Spencer reluctantly looked up at Luke. All he was was kindness and compassion on his face. Luke took Spencer's hands. “I would never, ever hurt you,” he said.

“I know,” Spencer said, “but I'm still afraid.”

“You take all the time you need,” Luke said. “I'm not going anywhere. You are worth waiting for.” 

Spencer gave Luke a small smile. “You think so?”

“Spencer Reid, you are so incredibly strong. I don't know if I could make it through what you did. Sometimes knowing something doesn't change what you feel, but I will wait for you until you feel safe and I will spent every moment proving to you that you are. You deserve nothing less than someone who cherishes you and loves and respects you. You deserve someone who would do anything for you. You are brilliant and beautiful inside and out and more than anything I want you to be happy and believe in yourself again. So, yes, I will wait however long it takes and it will be worth it.” Spencer smiled a real, full smile then.

“No estés lejos de mí un solo día,” Spencer quoted. “Porque cómo, porque, no sé decirlo, es largo el día, y te estaré esperando como en las estaciones cuando en alguna parte se durmieron los trenes.” [Don't go far off, not even for a day, because – because – I don't know how to say it: a day is long  
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.]

“Is that in the book you gave me?” Luke asked.

“Yes,” Spencer said.

“I can't wait to read it.” Luke pulled Spencer back over to him. This time when Luke held him, Spencer put his arms around Luke's wait and held him back. Luke kissed him on the forehead. “Everything is going to be ok,” Luke said. “You'll see.”

 

Spencer smiled. He believed Luke was right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment and tell me what you think!! <3


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